the act of giving hope or promise
I received an e-mail from a friend a few days ago that was meant to - and did - encourage me. This friend had been getting caught up on my blog posts and saw the self-doubt lurking in the words and between the lines. What I liked about her encouragement was that she acknowledged this self-doubt and then gave me a very concrete suggestion to talk to myself like I talk to my daughters. I would never tell them the things I tell myself about being unworthy, unable and undeserving to act on a creative urge.
When I shared with a group of close friends that I had received this encouragement from an unusual source, a friend commented that it was interested for the encouragement to come from someone who is not as close to me as this group of friends or my husband. I immediately replied (without filtering the thought at all) that I wouldn't have accepted the encouragement from any of them. This seemed surprising and perhaps a bit insulting to my friends, but my theory is that they would tell me what they thought I needed to hear because they love me, not because they see potential in my art.
After my minor melt-down for 24 hours on Monday, J did try to encourage me. He does believe in me. But I wonder if he would like my writing if he didn't love me. Is it the writing that he believes in or does he just want me to listen to the voice telling me to write so that I'll be happy? Should that distinction even matter to me?
There are times when I'm too introspective for my own good. I think this might be one of those times...
1 comment:
A thought on this. You are smart enough to have surrounded yourself with wonderful compassionate people who do love you. I would gently remind you not to think that your close friends would have just told you to create your art because they loved you and thought that was what you needed to hear, but because they know you are not unworthy, unable, and undeserving no matter what kind of art you produce! You are worthy, able, and deserving to create and follow your dreams. And it's our job as friends and spouses to always remind each other of this--especially in a society that constantly puts a woman's and a mother's desires behind everyone elses. You are a worthy, wonderful woman and should follow your dreams!!! I expect great things. And, on a lighter note, I'll tell you when I think you post some really bad writing :)
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