4: the line or course on which something is moving or is aimed to move or along which something is pointing or facing
A friend of mine recently posted about anxiety. She talked about how her near future is fairly uncertain and out of her hands to control. While she will be happy with any of the potential outcomes, the unknown makes her anxious. I can relate because I wonder what direction I'm headed and what direction I need to be headed.
K starts kindergarten next year, which is very exciting, both because it's a major milestone and because it will free up a lot of my time and nearly all of my current salary, which pays for her childcare. Ever since I started working again, it has been more to satisfy myself than to contribute financially to our family. While I have been able to pay for summer camps and extracurricular activities for the girls with my salary, the money hasn't been the reason I've worked. Still, it's fun to think about the money we could save if I keep working and don't have to pay for child care anymore.
Yet I find myself daydreaming about quitting my job and staying home to write. This is appealing on so many levels. I would have the house all to myself for a long stretch of the day and would be able to spend a great deal of time alone, which is something I crave. But does it make sense to quit my job during a recession? Is there a realistic possibility that I could bring any income in by writing articles, short stories or (big dream here) a novel? Is it the best thing for Rejoice if I resign? I'm just not sure.
Rejoice continues to struggle financially and my salary is a drain on those finances. Yet I do feel God opened the door for me to work at Rejoice and while He has not yet blessed my grant writing efforts there, I know I have helped with some administrative issues and have helped lay a foundation to make the ministry eventually run smoother (if we raise enough money to continue to run the ministry!).
So, I'm contemplating the direction my life will take. I want to approach this with my head, but I also want to listen closely to my heart. This is a great opportunity for me to aim my life in a new direction and I want to be unafraid to use my God-given gifts while still being responsible. I pray I'll abound in knowledge (from my head) and insight (from my heart) as I approach this curve in the road.
3 comments:
hmmm, I wonder how this dilemma will show up in caroline's life....i don't know the answer for you friend.
so i'll be praying..your life choices sound nothing like mine at the moment! :) baby on the way and homeschooling for the next zillion years. and yet, i'm content, thankful for my path. glad God has a unique one for each of us! my hope is that one day matt will have a less traditional schedule and i'll be able to write for a few hours a day while he is with and teaching some of our school to the kids...
aimee
Well, Caroline is NOT me, so it may not show up in her life at all. (Although what good book doesn't have some sort of fork in the road?)
It is interesting how different our paths are, but one thing I love about our God is his complexity and the way he crafts us each so differently in order to ultimately reveal himself through us. I think it's beautiful that he makes us each so unique and gives us different paths to walk to him.
I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world who struggles with not knowing what the future holds. It's one thing to say you trust God with the future, but it's another thing to be completely comfortable not knowing what will happen. But on the other hand, it's nice to have choices, especially good choices, isn't it?
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