1: besides , also too
2 a: to an excessive degree : excessively <too large a house for us> b: to such a degree as to be regrettabletoo far> c: very too interested>
3: so 2d <“I didn't do it.” “You did too.”>
Ruth 1:11-15
For my Bible study this week in Ruth, Naomi tells her daughters-in-law to return to their homes. As part of her encouragement to them to return, she essentially says, "I'm too old to remarry and produce any more sons for you to marry. Go back to your own family." One book that I read talked about how Naomi was clearly being rhetorical in talking about remarrying and giving birth to more sons for Ruth and Orpah to marry. The point she was making was that she couldn't provide for Ruth and Orpah like she wanted to.
The verse where Naomi says she is "too old" took me, via a cross reference, to Genesis where both Abraham and Sarah separately say they are "too old" when God tells them He will make their descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky. Sarah even laughs behind the angels backs. Where am I laughing behind God's back? There are definitely days when I feel "too old." Too old to parent three fabulously energetic daughters. Too old to pursue new passions in life. Too old to try new things (writing, running, teaching). But if Sarah got pregnant and gave birth in her 90s, who am I to say I am too old to do something, especially if it is something God wants me to do?
After confronting myself with this difficult question, I started thinking about the word "too." Naomi's assertion that she is "too old" is bound up in her ability to care and provide for family and this bring me to another conclusion: Naomi thought this problem was too big for God. Well, maybe she didn't exactly think the problem was too big for God, but she thought the problem was too big for God to use HER to help solve it. How could He use a widow with virtually no family as a tool in the life of two recently widowed foreigners?
Where am I quick to decide God can't use me? Where am I bound up in my own vision of myself and unwilling to be the tool God wants me to be? Does it matter if I feel incapable of doing the task set before me if I am truly called to complete that task? Some days I feel like a lot of the opportunities that stand before me are things outside of my comfort zone. Yet I feel a persistent pull to do things I never would have imagined trying. I am afraid to keep trying. I am afraid I will fail - fail to meet my own expectations, fail to fulfill a commitment, fail to live up to what someone else thinks I should do or be.
But while I am afraid to fail, I am more afraid to not try. I am afraid that if I don't do the jobs God gives me, he will stop giving me jobs. He'll stop pursuing me as a tool for His kingdom and let me languish at some rest-stop on the way to where He really wants me to be. So, I'll keep writing, because it's the most persistent and consistent pull that I feel.
2 a: to an excessive degree : excessively <too large a house for us> b: to such a degree as to be regrettable
3: so 2d <“I didn't do it.” “You did too.”>
Ruth 1:11-15
For my Bible study this week in Ruth, Naomi tells her daughters-in-law to return to their homes. As part of her encouragement to them to return, she essentially says, "I'm too old to remarry and produce any more sons for you to marry. Go back to your own family." One book that I read talked about how Naomi was clearly being rhetorical in talking about remarrying and giving birth to more sons for Ruth and Orpah to marry. The point she was making was that she couldn't provide for Ruth and Orpah like she wanted to.
The verse where Naomi says she is "too old" took me, via a cross reference, to Genesis where both Abraham and Sarah separately say they are "too old" when God tells them He will make their descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky. Sarah even laughs behind the angels backs. Where am I laughing behind God's back? There are definitely days when I feel "too old." Too old to parent three fabulously energetic daughters. Too old to pursue new passions in life. Too old to try new things (writing, running, teaching). But if Sarah got pregnant and gave birth in her 90s, who am I to say I am too old to do something, especially if it is something God wants me to do?
After confronting myself with this difficult question, I started thinking about the word "too." Naomi's assertion that she is "too old" is bound up in her ability to care and provide for family and this bring me to another conclusion: Naomi thought this problem was too big for God. Well, maybe she didn't exactly think the problem was too big for God, but she thought the problem was too big for God to use HER to help solve it. How could He use a widow with virtually no family as a tool in the life of two recently widowed foreigners?
Where am I quick to decide God can't use me? Where am I bound up in my own vision of myself and unwilling to be the tool God wants me to be? Does it matter if I feel incapable of doing the task set before me if I am truly called to complete that task? Some days I feel like a lot of the opportunities that stand before me are things outside of my comfort zone. Yet I feel a persistent pull to do things I never would have imagined trying. I am afraid to keep trying. I am afraid I will fail - fail to meet my own expectations, fail to fulfill a commitment, fail to live up to what someone else thinks I should do or be.
But while I am afraid to fail, I am more afraid to not try. I am afraid that if I don't do the jobs God gives me, he will stop giving me jobs. He'll stop pursuing me as a tool for His kingdom and let me languish at some rest-stop on the way to where He really wants me to be. So, I'll keep writing, because it's the most persistent and consistent pull that I feel.
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