2: of a dull somber color
I've been faced with some pretty ugly realities yesterday and today and it just makes me sad. Yesterday, I was talking to my aunt who lives in rural Alabama. She was sharing how difficult it has been to realize how many of her very close friends are racists. This election has really brought those feelings out in the open and it was appalling to hear. One friend called Barack Obama's mother a whore. When I exclaimed to my aunt, "But she was married to his father!" She said that no, they said that because she slept with a black man. It not only shocks me, but hurts me to know that people think that way.
Then today, I drove a friend to the doctor because she was too upset to drive herself. 18 years ago this friend (who is white) fell in love with a black man, who is now her wonderful husband and a great father to their children. Her parents disowned her and still do not talk to her, have not met her two beautiful children and have said truly horrible things to her. As she shared some of this with me, my heart just ached and I thought about how much hate their is in the world.
Racism should really be nothing new to me. I grew up in Alabama and went to a school where things were socially segregated, if not literally segregated. My parents would have been appalled had I dated a black guy and would probably have forbidden it when I was in high school. Yet it still makes me sad to know that people think this way.
My own eight-year-old daughter is adamant in her support for Barack Obama partly because she thinks it is wrong that we've never had a black president. She has a placemat with all of the presidents on it and after looking at it for a while said, "You mean we've never had a black president?! That's crazy!" Until my daughters were in about first or second grade, they didn't even know the term "black." They simply described people by the color of their skin ("brown" or "the same color as mine") until a classmate educated my eldest daughters on the finer points of racial distinction and description.
It makes me sad that my daughters, who even now are not as innocent as they once were, will grow up in a world where people hate each other for no reason other than the color of their own skin. It makes me sad to think about the things they will realize as they age, but it gives me some hope on a day when I'm saddened by our world that one daughter enthusiastically questions every family member to make sure they are voting for Obama and another daughter got to actually push the button casting that very vote. I hope when they are old enough to vote, it really won't matter what color the candidate's skin is.
4 comments:
This makes me sad, too. Before this election I didn't realize how much racism really does still exist, subtle as it may be. I think many people aren't even aware of it in themselves, but when I hear people say things like how afraid they are of Obama becoming president, it makes me wonder. It's one thing to disagree with someone's politics, but I do have to wonder what the real source of the fear is. I think most people are a little afraid of people who are different from themselves, in whatever way that may be. I may not agree with McCain, but I can't say I'm afraid of him. Is that because he appears to be more like me? This is one of the reasons I think living overseas is good for kids (remember that discussion?) - because they're surrounded by people who are not the same as them in many ways. You can't help but walk away from that experience with more of an open mind and a broader view of the world.
Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I think it takes a lot of courage to recognize this subtle fear and racism in others because it also makes you stop and evaluate whether there's any, even a tiny bit, in yourself. Sadly, I think there's probably at least a small bit of it in most, if not all, of us. But awareness is certainly a great step in the right direction towards purging it out of our lives. Thanks for challenging us to take a closer look...
I agree that it's uncomfortable to examine our own prejudices closely and Jason and I have talked about how to best address race issues with our daughters. Our basic approach has been to answer questions they initiate, but not offer our thoughts un-asked-for. We hope this will help us to be less likely to pass on subtle prejudices that we have.
I agree with what you say about living overseas and I'm hopeful that the diverse elementary school experiences my daughters are getting will help them start from a different point that I did.
Finally, I agree that when people say they are "afraid" of what might happen if Obama is elected, I sense an undercurrent of racism. I am NOT saying that anyone who doesn't vote for him is racist, but I do wonder whether these same people were fearful four years ago of John Kerry?
It's funny-- your comment about John Kerry is exactly what I've thought so many times. I never heard anyone say they were afraid of Kerry, just that they didn't like him. There's a definite difference this time around, and some of it I think has been intentionally fostered during the course of the campaign. And I agree-- I absolutely don't think anyone who doesn't vote for him is racist, or even that everyone who says they're afraid of him is racist. But it does make me wonder about what kind of hidden fears and prejudices lie in our hearts, all of our hearts, including mine.
I think your girls are growing up in a great environment and being exposed to many people of different backgrounds - it's one of the many things I admire so much about your family.
The silver lining-we can make it a little better with each generation. When I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to have my best friend(african-american) over for play time, and even into high school I couldn't have any friends of a different color over to our house. My mom actually believed that there was something physically different and inferior about african american people. Yes, really. That wouldn't make any sense at all to my girls if I told them that. They'd think I was crazy. Change still happens.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I was just telling matt the other night that I wonder if I had lived in the time of slavery and strong oppression if I would have been one to recognize the wrong and try to stop it or just take it for granted as a normal thing. And that makes me wonder what is happening today that I mistake as normal that people will one day look back and be appalled that we tolerated such a thing.
As a personal side note, I do think there is something unsettling about Obama and I think I can say for myself that it's not the color of his skin, but I just can't put a pin on it. We'll see soon enough.
aimee
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