OVERWHELMED

2 a: covered over completely : submerged b: overcome by superior force or numbers c: overpowered in thought or feeling

Some days I choose a word to write about that just sounds like a good and intriguing word. Some days there is a topic I want to write about, so I search my mind for the word that best encapsulates the topic I want to cover. But today the word is just how I'm feeling. I'm feeling submerged, overcome and overpowered by life right now: overwhelmed.

It hasn't been a bad day. I was productive during a longer than usual day at Rejoice and I certainly have cleaned more than I would on a typical day. But I'm still feeling overwhelmed because there is so much left to do that I simply will not get to today. It's after 9 pm, so I'm tired, but there are things I still want to do. Some of them practical (finish cleaning the dining room table off), some of them personal (start this week's Bible Study), some of them creative (begin reading my new chapter of Waking Up Grey). Yet I do not have the energy to tackle them tonight.

Instead, I've spent the last hour working on a guide to aid women on our upcoming women's retreat during their time of solitude. While I long for solitude with an indescribable thirst, some women find two hours of silence intimidating. So I've written very short stories about seasons with scriptures to ponder the concepts further during their quiet time. Ultimately, I hope they'll set aside my words and just listen to what God wants to say to them. But I still want my words to be the right ones. I still want to set the mood for them and use my words to help quiet their souls. As I well know after a day like today, a quiet soul can be difficult to find.

As I write this, I am sitting in my bathroom, in a rocking chair, typing on my laptop. I started on the sofa, but could hear J's music playing downstairs. If I went to the bedroom to escape the music, I would have accomplished nothing aside from an early start to bedtime. So instead I lit candles in the bathroom and camped out here. It worked. I can't hear the music and I'm reasonably comfortable. My mind settled down enough to write about "spring," but "summer" is just going to have to wait until tomorrow because while I can get my mind to contemplate spring, with its green sprouts and inspiring transitions, I can't quite believe I'll ever make it to summer's fruitfulness. Will I ever be a tomato vine laden with fruit that nourishes those who happen upon me? On a night like tonight, I find it simultaneously encouraging to think I'll eventually get there and discouraging to think that it may take me longer than I'd like.