LEAD

1 a: to guide on a way especially by going in advance b: to direct on a course or in a direction

Where is God leading me? To write. I know this, yet am I following, looking back or stuck in the mire of daily life? Why does it take so little to derail me from the path, the (momentary) fulfillment, the fruit of writing? Why do I allow tasks, people, books to take me away from going where I am being led?

Time seems to be in such short supply. Between caring for my family, maintaining our home and working at Rejoice, there is little time left for Bible Study, my creative group and writing for myself. Yet in a week like this past one where I do not make time for these latter three things, I feel the lack.

I have a retreat coming in a few days and I know I have several hours of silence and solitude to look forward to. It could not come at a better time. I need to fill my mental and emotional tank. I also need to think about where I am being led and where I am wandering. We all have detours in our life, but I can sense deep inside that it would be a travesty for me to distract myself from the creative path right now.

I approach this path with some trepidation because I think it will not be an easy path. But if I look back on my life for a watershed moment, it is not an easy time, an easy road that stands out. The year of my life that served as a catalyst for who I am now was one spent in another country, far away from my family and the boy (now man) who would ultimately be my husband. Without that year, I would not have been confident of J's love, would not have found the emotional distance to see myself for who I am, would never have found the courage to begin to acknowledge that I have a creative side. But it wasn't an easy year. I had to move out of my comfort zone to learn important lessons that are still with me fourteen years hence.

So I want to stay on this path, even when it is hard. I want to listen to the Spirit telling me to write. But I want to ignore the voice in my head that tells me it is a waste of time to write. I want to ignore the distractions that rob my time and focus. I want to be led to a place where I can see myself in a way I never have before. It's comforting to look at the definition of lead and think about God leading me on a path where he is my advance guard. He knows what awaits me there, even if I don't.