PROVISION

1 a: the act or process of providing b: the fact or state of being prepared beforehand c: a measure taken beforehand to deal with a need or contingency : preparation (made provision for replacements)
2: a stock of needed materials or supplies ; especially : a stock of food —usually used in plural
3: proviso , stipulation


Work is a little stressful right now. I found out nearly a week ago that after payroll is paid tomorrow, Rejoice won't have enough in the bank to pay next month's payroll. While I'm not the executive director, I am the Development Manager, so fundraising is my job. I started in May and have been writing grants since the moment I joined. I've not focused exclusively on grants, but I knew we didn't have any grant awards in the pipeline and felt it would be wise to work towards having something coming in down the road. I had no idea (until last Thursday), just how close we were to running out of money.


I am more stressed by this than our Executive Director. This is not, by any means, the first time Rejoice has been in a situation like this. Before we received a large grant two years ago, this was a common occurrence. She has seen God provide before and believes he will again. While I don't disagree with that, I'll admit I'm somewhat scared by it. I'm not used to depending on God for day to day provision.


I certainly trust him to provide safety for my family, an income through my husband's job and wisdom for J and I to use our resources to the best of our abilities. But those things seem amorphous compared to needing and expecting God to provide $20,000 before the end of this year.


So what's my role in this? To pray, certainly. But also to continue to write - grants, letters, descriptions of Rejoice - that compel others to know more about us and give money to us. I think this will only work if I'm using God's words instead of my own. The most amazing thing about Rejoice is that it's God's vision. He planted the seed in the director's heart and has instructed her all along, right down to the color of leotards the students wear.


One thing I've always loved about Rejoice is that I think it is uniquely designed to teach the dancers how much God loves them. He values them highly (which is why they wear leotards named after various jewels and precious stones), he wants the best for them (which is why they dance in a beautiful studio, not a second rate facility) and he wants them to know and worship him (which is why they dance!) Maybe my role is to remember all of what God is trying to teach these children, so that I don't forget who he is. If that's my foundation, earthly provisions will take on less importance.

HALCYON

1: of or relating to the halcyon or its nesting period
2 a: calm, peaceful b: happy, golden c: prosperous, affluent

I have a friend who lives on Halcyon Avenue. I told her one time that I love the name of her street and the images the word "halcyon" evokes for me. When I think of halcyon, it's almost immediately followed by days. (I guess the books I've read with the word are most frequently talking about halcyon days.)


I realized not long ago that I think right now our family is living in the halcyon days. While "calm, peaceful" might not be true all of the time, I do think these are "happy, golden" days. I think we will look back on these days in two decades and remember them with such fondness. I've been trying to cling to that during the day-to-day difficulty of doing everything that I want to do and doing it well.


I think these are halcyon days because we are past the challenges of toddlerhood (with our youngest daughter now 4) and not into the unknown waters of pre-adolescence (with our eldest daughter at age 8). Some of the sweetest things to me right now about our spot in life are:

1) Involvement: Our daughters still want to be around us. They get excited when their father gets home from work and crave alone time with either of us. While alone time for a chunk of hours is a rarity with two parents and three daughters, we try to snatch minutes here and there for our sake's and theirs.

2) Imagination: They play wonderfully imaginative games in fanciful worlds - with each other! From the time B was old enough to play, she and A have lived a good portion of their lives in fantastic worlds only they fully understand. I'll never forget the first time I heard them call "Mommy" and was told, "Not you, the pretend Mommy." How much longer will there be a pretend mommy and will they continue to actually call for me when they need me?

3) Independence: Even K is able to play alone while her sisters are at school, get a snack with permission and go for stretches of time without needing help. Independence is one of the traits we've always sought to foster in our girls, even from the time they were very young, so it's rewarding to begin to see the fruits of those seeds. Especially because I have daughters, I want them to feel empowered and strong to face their lives. I think the satisfaction and confidence that comes from doing little and big things independently is one of the most valuable gifts we can give our daughters. I rarely wish they would ask me for help rather than take care of it themselves, but I hope we are striking and will continue to strike the right balance of being there for our girls and encouraging them to be the fully-formed, strong women they can be.

4) Individuality: One reason these halcyon days of ours don't always feel calm and peaceful is that each of our daughters are involved in after-school activities. A is a dancer and will probably always be a dancer. B has truly come into her own on the soccer field. This is her first year to play on a team that uses a goalie and her first game as goalie is a memory I will always cherish. I've never seen her so engaged as she was during that game and it utilizes her strengths of a quick mind and a fearless body to great effect. She's also doing an art club at a local church that feeds her innate creativity and her desire to be a part of a social group. K is dancing and playing soccer and while these may not be the two particular activities she pursues in years to come (she's only four, after all), she clearly loves organized activities and, more importantly, the attention. She enjoys soccer and smiles the entire time she's on the field playing. When I'm tired from running around every day after school to one activity or another, these are the things I remind myself. We're not doing these things to help our girls build a resume for the right high school or college (some parents really do think that way!), we're doing it to help them become who they were made to and to help them find a life preserver to hang on to during the rocky days of adolescence.

I hope and believe these will not be the only halcyon days our family experiences together, but it's a sweet experience to get to live them together.

CATHEDRAL

1 : a church that is the official seat of a diocesan bishop
2 : something that resembles or suggests a cathedral (as in size or importance), i.e. cathedral of business

It's been a good week for me: I've been to the art museum three times in the last seven days. J and I went on a date there last Friday night. I went to ArtQuest yesterday with B for a bit of alone time with her and then today I went with a visiting Canadian friend. It was interesting to see how different the experience is with a different partner joining me.


There are three exhibits currently available at the Frist: Rodin's sculpture, Photography from the Eastman collection and Art from AP High School students throughout Tennessee. It's been interesting in looking at each of them to think about the role that the title plays in a viewer's experience of a work of art: My favorite Rodin sculpture on exhibit was The Cathedral . I love the graceful hands, but even more I love thinking about our hands being used in they way cathedrals are used. Cathedrals, especially gothic cathedrals, were meant to reflect God's glory in an earthly way and (literally) point visitors to heaven. How are my hands and the works of my hands pointing others to God?


Cathedrals are also an interesting example because they were the work of many people in one place. It's not natural for me to think about my hands being just a part of the whole, but I do think that's what I'm called to be. I should not only see my body, but my gifts, as meant for the greater good and actively seeks ways to work with and for others. As a natural introvert, this can go against many of my natural inclinations. I love many solitary pursuits - reading, writing, running and cooking, to name a few. But there aren't as many group activities that inspire or energize me. Does this mean I'm off the hook and don't have to use my hands (and other parts of me) as part of the body of Christ and the world at large? I don't think so. I think even when it goes against my natural inclinations - maybe especially because it goes against my natural inclinations, I need to look for ways to be a part of the larger cathedral that's being built to point us to God.

FAVOR

1 a (1): friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior (2): approving consideration or attention : approbation b: partiality c archaic : leniency d archaic : permission e: popularity

3 a: gracious kindness ; also : an act of such kindness b archaic : aid , assistance c plural : effort in one's behalf or interest : attention

Ruth 2:1-7

I've been thinking this week about whose favor I am seeking. It's been largely prompted by the passage in the book of Ruth where Ruth tells Naomi that she is going to glean behind "anyone in whose eyes I find favor." In the King James Version, "favor" is translated "grace," so that made me curious about how I think about favor. In this context, Ruth is really just looking for someone who will look favorably upon her and allow her to glean behind them.

It's funny how God will take a nugget of thought and lead you down the path he wants you to take. By the end of the week, He had made clear to me that I have a family member who is very critical and I am constantly on edge and on guard around this person. I am guarded around The Critic because I don't want to provide fuel for criticism of me after we've been together. What I want is "friendly regard," "approving consideration" and maybe even a bit of "gracious kindness." That's not terribly likely to happen since The Critic is very critical of most everything in life. More importantly, that's not whose favor I need to seek.

Paul says in Galatians 1:10, "For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God ? Or am I striving to please men ? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." I certainly spend too much of my time trying to please men and that caught me up short as I thought about seeking favor and how I should correctly approach that. How do I seek God's favor through my relationship with The Critic? I think the answer to that comes from my study of I Peter earlier this year.


Peter instructs us to love each other "fervently." In the Greek, the word "fervent" carries with it a connotation of "stretched out." In sharp contrast to that, the best description of my recent interactions with The Critic have been guarded, the very opposite of being stretched out and therefore vulnerable. In examining how I could seek God's favor, not man's, in my relationship with The Critic, I think I must be willing to be fervent. The Critic's criticisms and generally negative view of life are not ultimately about me. The best approach that I believe I can take is to be willing to be myself, even if that means I am exposed to harsh words, subtle criticisms and slights.


One of the great things about seeking God's favor is that His favor will not falter. Even were I able to remain guarded in my interactions with The Critic and blunt the criticisms of me and my family for a time, I would never be able to maintain The Critic's favor. The favor of any man is fleeting because we are easily satisfied, easily distracted creatures. If I will instead focus on pursuing the continued favor of God and on using His favor to bless others, the favor of men will gradually fade into the background.

SAD

1 a: affected with or expressive of grief or unhappiness : downcast b (1): causing or associated with grief or unhappiness : depressing (2): regrettable , deplorable c: of little worth
2: of a dull somber color

I've been faced with some pretty ugly realities yesterday and today and it just makes me sad. Yesterday, I was talking to my aunt who lives in rural Alabama. She was sharing how difficult it has been to realize how many of her very close friends are racists. This election has really brought those feelings out in the open and it was appalling to hear. One friend called Barack Obama's mother a whore. When I exclaimed to my aunt, "But she was married to his father!" She said that no, they said that because she slept with a black man. It not only shocks me, but hurts me to know that people think that way.


Then today, I drove a friend to the doctor because she was too upset to drive herself. 18 years ago this friend (who is white) fell in love with a black man, who is now her wonderful husband and a great father to their children. Her parents disowned her and still do not talk to her, have not met her two beautiful children and have said truly horrible things to her. As she shared some of this with me, my heart just ached and I thought about how much hate their is in the world.


Racism should really be nothing new to me. I grew up in Alabama and went to a school where things were socially segregated, if not literally segregated. My parents would have been appalled had I dated a black guy and would probably have forbidden it when I was in high school. Yet it still makes me sad to know that people think this way.


My own eight-year-old daughter is adamant in her support for Barack Obama partly because she thinks it is wrong that we've never had a black president. She has a placemat with all of the presidents on it and after looking at it for a while said, "You mean we've never had a black president?! That's crazy!" Until my daughters were in about first or second grade, they didn't even know the term "black." They simply described people by the color of their skin ("brown" or "the same color as mine") until a classmate educated my eldest daughters on the finer points of racial distinction and description.


It makes me sad that my daughters, who even now are not as innocent as they once were, will grow up in a world where people hate each other for no reason other than the color of their own skin. It makes me sad to think about the things they will realize as they age, but it gives me some hope on a day when I'm saddened by our world that one daughter enthusiastically questions every family member to make sure they are voting for Obama and another daughter got to actually push the button casting that very vote. I hope when they are old enough to vote, it really won't matter what color the candidate's skin is.

COMMUNITY

1: a unified body of individuals: as
a: state , commonwealth
b: the people with common interests living in a particular area ; broadly : the area itself community>
c: an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location
d: a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society community of retired persons>
e: a group linked by a common policy
f: a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests community>
g: a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society community>
2: society at large
3 a: joint ownership or participation <community of goods> b: common character : likeness <community of interests> c: social activity : fellowship d: a social state or condition

Community can be a bit of a loaded word for me. One of the first things we attempted at our church when we became members several years ago was to join a "community group." While different churches call these groups different things, at our church, they are essentially groups based loosely on geography that give you an opportunity to get to know other church members in a smaller group. To say that this first experience was not a positive one is an understatement. The group transitioned to new leaders shortly after we joined and one of the new leaders, for reasons I still do not know, could not stand me. She's Southern (note the capital S), so she tried pretty hard to disguise her dislike for me. But it was still evident to me and to my husband. To make things harder on me, it was a group where every other woman was a stay-at-home mom. At the time, I was working full time while my husband stayed at home with our daughter. I felt not only different, but like I was a poor mother.


The whole experience left me feeling a bit gun-shy about trying to make Christian friends. I thought that maybe being a part of Christian community just wasn't going to happen for me. Sure we're all sinners, but maybe I was just too big a sinner.


A few years after this experience, we moved to a different part of town and joined a new community group. I am so thankful that I was willing to try again because I learned so much about community from this group of people. I felt accepted, encouraged and included in a way I never had in the first group. I clearly remember one member of our group saying as we stood around in someone's kitchen, "This feels like family! It's so great when we're all together like this." And he was right, it did feel good. I grew a lot in that group, largely because I was able to be myself and be pretty honest about who I was and what I believed.


When the leader of that group moved to another city, she told me one thing she had always valued about me was my authenticity. It was funny to hear because that's exactly what I valued about the group.


After that experience, my husband and I led a group for over two years and are currently helping to build a larger community through a Sunday School class. It's amazing how a very negative initial experience has shaped my beliefs about community, my desire for it and my willingness to word towards it.

ISH

3 a: having a touch or trace of : somewhat b: having the approximate age of (fortyish)
ALSO: a fabulous children's book by Peter Reynolds

If you've not read Peter Reynolds' wonderful book, Ish, here's a brief summary:

A young boy Ramon loves to draw. Anytime, anything, anywhere.

Until one day, his older brother sees him drawing and says scathingly, "What's THAT supposed to be?"

Ramon crumples up the paper and for a long time thereafter, nothing he draws satisfies him. He sits at a table, surrounded by crumpled pieces of paper.

Then one day, his younger sister is standing by as he crumples and throws a piece of paper. She grabs it and dashes off. Ramon chases her to her room, where he finds a gallery of crumpled masterpieces. He stops dead in his tracks and the little sister points out her favorite.

"Yeah," Ramon say, "that was supposed to be a vase, but it doesn't look like one," "Well... it looks vase-ish," she replies. Ramon pauses, sees it through her eyes and agrees that it does look ish.

After that Ramon's passion for drawing returns and he approaches all of life in an ish fashion. He writes ish poems, draws ish draws and lives ishfully ever after.

It's one of my favorite children's books for several reasons:
1) Ramon's passion for drawing at the beginning is cheerfully innocent
2) We see how our words can rob other's joy when Ramon loses his enjoyment in drawing after his brother's comment
3) His sister is the one who restores his vision for art and life, so that
4) We get to see how our words can build up and encourage one another

Not long after I started sharing this blog address with others, a friend told me it was unlike any other blog she'd ever read. So, I've decided my blog is blog-ish because it "has a touch or trace of" what other blogs contain. Initially, I was hesitant about sharing Word Girl with others, but I've decided I'm not writing for others, I'm writing for me. I want to live an ish life and not worry about whether my blog posts are funny enough, deep enough or relevant enough. They are "enough" because they are enough for me. I know not every post is as good as the previous - or the next - but it's important to me, like Ramon's drawings are to him.

Ramon saw the world in drawings and I see it in words. I don't want someone to laugh at my writing, but even if they do (when they do), I won't crumple it up and throw it away because it's mine and my words don't have to be validated by anyone else to be valuable.

Are you living an ish life? Do you cook soup-ish meal or bake casserole-ish dishes? How are you seeking and using outlets for your creativity, no matter how big or small? Are you living like Ramon's sister and validating other's efforts? I want to live like Ramon and talk like his sister...

Re-posted from the archives