Monday, May 24, 2010


2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : kinship

LOST ended much as I would have had it end - focused on the relationships of the characters I've come to know and love over the last six years. I loved the mythology of LOST, the way that it constantly thwarted my expectations, the way I could never quite figure out exactly what was going on. But far more than that, I loved the flawed and gifted characters that graced its scenes. Because isn't that what we all are - flawed and gifted?

Before last night, the creators had given us a hint of what was to come in the finale - encounters that brought memories washing back, helping characters remember their time on the island. But I hadn't realized how much I would enjoy anticipating who would be the trigger for each person. I hadn't counted on getting to participate in guessing which relationship would be the important one for Sawyer, Jack, Kate, Claire. And I certainly didn't plan to cry every time we slid into the sideways world and got to see people reunited.

One of the most moving scenes was Kate helping Claire deliver Aaron (again). As J and I watched them remember this same experience on a deserted island, he turned to me and said, "Imagine getting to relive that moment: meeting one of our daughters again for the first time." I did watch the LOST finale while imagining what it would be like to get to relive the best, most significant moments of my life at the touch of a hand.

It was interesting that the LOST finale focused so much on relationship and remembering relationships on a day when J and I had spent time with some of our oldest friends. J and T became friends their sophomore year of college and he married his wife, M, two weeks after J and I married. When we moved back to Nashville after a year in Columbus, OH, the four of us became good friends. That was thirteen years ago and we've learned a lot from T & M and our friendship with them.

We don't see much of them these days - they live on the other side of town and are a part of a new church there. But we try to get together three or four times a year and catch up. When we do, it's amazing how easy it is to talk to them. They not only know us, they know our relationship, how our marriage works and even how we used to be. T remembers J missing me when I was in England the year they met. We remember T growing a goatee in his first year teaching so that he would look older than his students.

All of the changes we've gone through and are going through this year have left me feeling a bit untethered in terms of my relationships. Most of the friendships I have are either waxing or waning - few are constant. This has left me nervous for what summer will bring - who knows how hard it will be for me to build community through our Fun Jar as we have done for so long? Will old friends cease to join us since they don't see us weekly? Will new friends be too unconnected to us to want to join? These are things I can't control, so it was good to be with old friends yesterday and remind myself that relationships take work, intentionality and, perhaps most of all, they take time.

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