Before we left to go out of town for Easter, I made a CD for us to enjoy for part of our ride. One song I included was an old favorite: Watershed by the Indigo Girls. I like a lot of their songs, but this one has been my favorite since I first heard it. As with many of their songs, the harmonies and images are beautiful - they not only sing, but paint a picture with their words. I also like that this is a song about how hard change can be. While change is something I am trying to embrace this year, I find I only seem to be able to change in fits and starts. I'll be receptive to the changes for a while, maybe even feel momentarily confident and bold in reaching for change. But then I'll slip up and revert to old patterns, digging my heels in instead of running (or even walking) towards something new.
At dinner last night, I told my sister-in-law that it recently occurred to me just how much change is sweeping our way in the next few months. We officially started our search for a new church home today and I'll embark on the journey of homeschooling a fifth grader in a mere four months. It feels like a lot to be undertaking all at once. But when I don't let my mind run away with me, I have peace about these choices. Peace that even though I can't know what the next six months or a year will look like, these are changes that need to be made.
Dealing with the changes that are most pressing is easier than dealing with changes that should happen, but won't unless I take the initiative. Changing relationship patterns that have been dysfunctional for years is harder than researching a home school math curriculum - and feels far less pressing, when I can just be my old self - an ostrich who sticks her head in the ground when hard choices present themselves.
So I'm trying to avoid standing at the watershed agonizing over choices. I'm trying to not end up where I started. I'm trying to get used to the country mile and enjoy the journey instead of focusing on the destination. Thank you Amy Ray & Emily Saliers for words to describe my own watershed and my desire to take stock of my life in five years and see that I've learned to face my path and make worthwhile choices.
Image is North Fork Big Lost River Watershed by Brian Ertz
2 comments:
My sisters and I used to love the Indigo Girls. We've seen them in concert together and I think I've seen them about 5 times total. My sister played guitar and the four of us sang one of his songs at my Dad's funeral.
Yes. All of their stuff, but Closer to Fine speaks to me so clearly: "The less I seek myself, the closer I am to fine." Though, of course, self-reflection is good, but I went overboard in college....
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