CHANGE

1 a : to make different in some particular : alter
b : to make radically different : transform
c : to give a different position, course, or direction to

A few days ago, I read this blog post about someone who wants 2010 to be the year of Yes for her. The post itself and her reasons for making this the year of Yes are good ones. More importantly, it made me think about what I want 2010 to be for me. The word that came to my mind almost immediately was Change. I want 2010 to be the year of Change.

In many ways, it will be a year of change, whether I wish it or not: eldest daughter A will begin middle school at another public magnet school, a public neighborhood school or in our home. I've been praying for months that I would be open to whatever direction we are pointed in for A's schooling. I daydream about homeschooling her - writing alongside her, sharing my favorite subjects, investigating her many thoughtful questions, convincing her that she can handle and master even the subjects she doesn't like. But I know homeschooling would not be a dream. And I'm not sure I'm cut out for the reality of it. Change is coming. Which direction will it take us?

While a new school for A is a somewhat scary change, we also know that desirable changes await our family. In less than a week, J and I are meeting with an interior designer about ideas for a new kitchen. I love our 80 year old home with its foibles, personality and old-fashioned layout. But I don't particularly love my kitchen that has 5 doorways (yes 5!), very little counter space and a black and white kitchen floor that shows every speck of dirt. So I'm thrilled to make some changes that will alter the look, feel and functionality of our kitchen.

Spring is always a season of growth and 2010 will bring personal growth and change. In March, I'll give my final gift to our current church and speak at our women's retreat. My insides tremble with nervousness at the thought of this new direction and the vulnerability that will be required for me to do this job well. I'm hopeful that late spring will bring clarity, direction and renewed energy in our search for a new church home that meets the needs of each member of our family.

I think the most exciting thing for me as I think about the changes that I know are coming in 2010 is my heart's acceptance of and excitement for change. As an introvert, I'm slower to want big, shake-your-life up changes than my extrovert husband. But this year, I long to be "radically different," to be "transformed." I want to be stronger, bolder, more me than I have ever been before. And I know from experience that I'll have to remind myself that I'm not the scared little girl, the unlovable daughter, the failure waiting to happen that I used to be.

So here's to 2010 and the changes it will bring. What do you want your 2010 to be?

Image is White Center by Mark Rothko