FAVORITE

: one that is treated or regarded with special favor or liking

A Grown-Up's Toy Box

I'm not Oprah, so I'll not be handing out my favorite things to hundreds of strangers.  But I keep thinking that there are some things that make summer just a bit sweeter than other seasons of the year.  This summer, these are some of my favorite things:

So You Think You Can Dance: It's rare for my family to find a show that we all enjoy and can all watch together, but this show fits the bill.  A loves the dancing, B loves the music, K loves the spectacle, J loves the Broadway numbers and I love it all, most especially the way everyone in my family loves it.

Hemingway: I read Hemingway back in middle and high school, but haven't had much to do with him since.  But at the start of this summer, I reread The Old Man and the Sea and loved it.  Every word counted, each one mattered, not one extra thrown in there.  Now I'm reading The Paris Wife for one book club and about to follow it up with A Moveable Feast for another book club.  I don't necessarily love Hemingway the man, but I can see how the words inside him longed to get out and I see how hard he worked to get them out.  And I do love that.

Non-Fiction: In a shocking turn of events, I've read two entire non-fiction books in the span of less than a month.  The Art of Family affirmed me, encouraged me and inspired me while I Thought It Was Just Me made me feel sane, understood and better armed to live the life I want to live.

Mint Chocolate: I love chocolate of all kinds, but this summer I've developed a particular fondness for mint chocolate.  I love the little Ghirardelli squares, I love(d) the truffle ones J and K gave me for mother's day, I love the Breyers mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Yogurt: I've developed a steadfast affection for Trader Joe's European Style Plain Whole Milk Yogurt.  It's not sweetened at all.  In fact, that's exactly what I love about it.  It's sharp.  It's tangy.  It's like Pinkberry, but not frozen and topped with mango and chocolate.  My only complaint?  I have a tough time eating an entire 32 oz. container before it goes bad.  Yet I keep buying it.

A Relaxed Schedule: I love letting my daughters stay up until 8:30 or 9:00, then staying up until 11:00 myself. I can't do this during the school year.  In order to have everyone up and dressed for school, I must be in bed by 10:00.  I'm a girl who needs her sleep.  But this summer I've been able to stay in bed until nearly 8:00, which means I can stay up later.

Reading in Bed: Sure, I always read in bed at night, but the height of luxury (in my opinion) is to read in bed before starting my day.  Those lovely late nights for my girls are yielding a quiet house in the mornings, so I can roll over at 7:30, grab my book and read a chapter or two before emerging from the comfy coziness of my bed.

Sweet Treat Fridays: I inaugurated these in an attempt to limit and direct our eating out this summer.  Each Friday, we have a frozen treat from somewhere - Bobbie's Dairy Dip, Pinkberry, Marble Slab Creamery, you get the idea.  My hope was that by treating ourselves on Fridays, we would pack lunches or eat at home the other days. This has mostly held true and we've all enjoyed sampling various treats from spots around the city.  Next up?  Tasti D-Lite (I'll forgive the atrocious spelling of their name only if their treats taste good.)

What have you fallen in love with this summer?

TEAM

4 : a number of persons associated together in work or activity

Yesterday on our drive back from the lake, we were listening to a song from Glee.  It was a song from the second half of the season and as I sang along with it, I started thinking about one thing that made me enjoy this show:  its use of all cast members, not just the stars.  At the start of the season, there was a lot of focus on Finn, Rachel and Mr. Schuester.  But those characters simply laid the foundation for what was to come during the second half of the season:  solos by Quinn, Artie, Mercedes, Puck and other cast members that we had come to know.

The girls were talking in the back of the van and munching on snacks to satisfy their post-lake swimming, so I had some time to think about this.  I love that Glee isn't just about showcasing the great vocal talents of one or two actors.  Instead, it uses the strengths of the entire cast.  In fact, this was a key part of the plot from the first season: making a group of misfits more than a collection of individuals.  Making them into a team.

Great, but how can I apply this to my own life?  The most obvious "team" that I am a part of is my family and listening to Kurt hit the high notes in a Madonna song made me wonder how to help our family function better as a team.  For good or ill, my daughters are growing up.  They are developing their own preferences, their own interests, their own strengths.  So how do I help them use the skills, interest and gifts that they have to make our family work better as a team?

J and I are already a pretty good team.  There are things he's good at (managing the family finances) and things I'm good at (feeding our family), so we split those tasks according to our gifts.  Then there are things that neither of us are very good at (housecleaning, yard work), so we try to split those undesirable tasks fairly evenly.  We've done a good job of fulfilling the first half of the season:  we've laid the ground work for a family that works together, supports each other and has fun reaching a common goal.  But we don't want to be the stars who hog the spotlight in our family.

The second half of the season is fast approaching - and in some ways is already here.  What specific gifts do A, B and K have that can and should be used in the running of our family?  What gifts do they want to use in our family and what gifts are more appropriately used to serve those outside our family?  What family chores are J and I carrying that should be handed over to one of the girls - maybe not a chore that they will love to do, but one that needs to be done?  Because part of being on a team is doing not just what you're best at, but what needs most to be done.

Difficult questions.  I'm not sure I have a lot of answers.  I think homeschooling A next year will help me see and identify a few of her gifts that can be used within our family unit.  We plan to do a lot of cooking and baking together (practical math, my friends), so we may find this is something she wants more ownership of.  B is a great problem solver.  She's not bound by conventional thinking, so she can see new ways to get to a desired outcome.  What decisions does our family need to make where it might be helpful to hear B's ideas?  And K?  She's the youngest, at just six years old.  But her excitement about finishing our kitchen in order to have a party has made it clear that she is a natural hostess.  So I'll definitely incorporate her ideas and give her jobs relating to the "We Have a Kitchen!" Party (tentatively planned for Labor Day weekend, mark your calendars).

These are just my initial ideas, but I do want my daughters to begin to use their gifts in the safety of our family, so that they know how to best use their gifts.  I want them to use their voices in our family, so that they see the difference their voices can make.  I want them to feel equipped to excel in their positions on teams.  I want them to leave our home and enter the world seeing themselves not just as a part of the team that is our family, but the team that is the community, the church, the world at large.  No small task.

RELATIONSHIP

2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : kinship

LOST ended much as I would have had it end - focused on the relationships of the characters I've come to know and love over the last six years. I loved the mythology of LOST, the way that it constantly thwarted my expectations, the way I could never quite figure out exactly what was going on. But far more than that, I loved the flawed and gifted characters that graced its scenes. Because isn't that what we all are - flawed and gifted?

Before last night, the creators had given us a hint of what was to come in the finale - encounters that brought memories washing back, helping characters remember their time on the island. But I hadn't realized how much I would enjoy anticipating who would be the trigger for each person. I hadn't counted on getting to participate in guessing which relationship would be the important one for Sawyer, Jack, Kate, Claire. And I certainly didn't plan to cry every time we slid into the sideways world and got to see people reunited.

One of the most moving scenes was Kate helping Claire deliver Aaron (again). As J and I watched them remember this same experience on a deserted island, he turned to me and said, "Imagine getting to relive that moment: meeting one of our daughters again for the first time." I did watch the LOST finale while imagining what it would be like to get to relive the best, most significant moments of my life at the touch of a hand.

It was interesting that the LOST finale focused so much on relationship and remembering relationships on a day when J and I had spent time with some of our oldest friends. J and T became friends their sophomore year of college and he married his wife, M, two weeks after J and I married. When we moved back to Nashville after a year in Columbus, OH, the four of us became good friends. That was thirteen years ago and we've learned a lot from T & M and our friendship with them.

We don't see much of them these days - they live on the other side of town and are a part of a new church there. But we try to get together three or four times a year and catch up. When we do, it's amazing how easy it is to talk to them. They not only know us, they know our relationship, how our marriage works and even how we used to be. T remembers J missing me when I was in England the year they met. We remember T growing a goatee in his first year teaching so that he would look older than his students.

All of the changes we've gone through and are going through this year have left me feeling a bit untethered in terms of my relationships. Most of the friendships I have are either waxing or waning - few are constant. This has left me nervous for what summer will bring - who knows how hard it will be for me to build community through our Fun Jar as we have done for so long? Will old friends cease to join us since they don't see us weekly? Will new friends be too unconnected to us to want to join? These are things I can't control, so it was good to be with old friends yesterday and remind myself that relationships take work, intentionality and, perhaps most of all, they take time.

LOST

:(TV series), an ABC drama series about plane crash survivors marooned on a mysterious island

It's hard to know where to start talking about Lost. Do I get started on its mind-bending plot? Its spiritual implications? Its sci-fi/reality blend? Its alluring setting that still manages to make a tropical island seem a less than appealing place to spend your life? I could go on about all this and more but last night as I watched, it occurred to me that perhaps the primary reason I love Lost is because I can relate to so many of the characters.


Last night, oddly enough, it was Benjamin Linus who made me think, "I would do something like that." At various times this season I've had this exact same thought about Jack, Sayid, Claire (sideways Claire, not crazy Claire), Locke and several other characters. It's these characters who keep me watching week after week, month after month, season after season. These characters who made me say out loud last night, "I love him! I don't want this show to end!" While I don't recall right now who was onscreen when I uttered those words, they get to the heart of how I feel about Lost.

This is pretty much the same reason I like to read books: for good character development. I've loved watching the brilliant minds behind Lost turn a former torturer, a con man, a murderer (or two), a doctor with a God complex, an estranged married couple and a man separated from his constant into people I truly care about. Which character is my favorite? Well, that depends on the week. I love the way this season we've really seen Desmond come into his own. I love that he's been brave and bold to help the other Oceanic passengers see what they aren't seeing. I love seeing a character make hard choices, choices that I'd like to be more confident making in my own life.


But I also love many of the other characters. Kate's mix of brash cockiness, maternal instinct and sex appeal make me want to be her (if only for a few minutes). Sawyer's tough exterior that hides his wounded heart gets me (and it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes). And Jack? I'll admit that I was pretty sick of him last season. I'd had enough of his self-pity, so this season has been a welcome reprieve. I think I see a bit too much of myself in Jack and I want to believe that I'll move past self-pity for things I can't change about my life and be the person I was meant to be, even if that's a bit scary.


When I read a good book, with characters who are three dimensional and fully developed, I love for the ending to be realistic and maybe a tad open ended so that I can imagine for myself what the character would have done. And I have a sinking feeling that the Lost finale will do much the same thing...

There's no way all of the loose ends will be tied up in the remaining two hours of the show and while I lament this, I also applaud it. I want to be able to decide/imagine/ponder/dream what happens to these characters I've come to know and love, just like I want my own life to play out with all of the inherent suspense and surprise we try to recreate through books, movies and TV shows.

GLEE

1 : exultant high-spirited joy : merriment
also: the funniest show on television right now


Tuesday nights bring a bit of a dilemma - Lost or Glee? These two, very different shows are my favorites on television so, of course, they are also on at the same time. I normally watch Lost live (or close to live after getting the girls in bed at 8ish), then save Glee for Wednesdays. The absence of a new Lost episode this week wasn't too heart wrenching because it allowed me to watch Glee on a Tuesday night. In case you don't watch Glee or (heaven forbid!) don't like Glee, here's why I think it's a fabulous show:

The Music: Given that I love this show, it may surprise you to hear that I hate musicals. People breaking into song all over the place? I mean, seriously. I just can't bear it. I can suspend my disbelief for a sci-fi movie far more easily than sit through My Fair Lady, West Side Story or any other musical I've ever seen, with the exception of Grease. But Glee is different. I think it's partly because they somewhat alleviate my suspension of disbelief issue by making singing an actual part of the plot. It also helps Glee's case that the music is good music - I find myself singing along to at least one number on nearly every episode and buying the soundtrack has turned my girls on to classics like Don't Stop Believin'. (You should hear our family belt that song out as we drive along!) Still, this can only take you so far - Glee has dance numbers in a mattress store, at the dinner table, in the hallways or, last night, in a roller rink. But I even enjoy those numbers because of one key factor...

The Snarkiness: A few saccharine musical numbers are well-balanced by Glee's snarky take on high school life. This show takes jabs at teenage pregnancy, counselors with no real life experience but loads of their own issues, high school crushes (of both the hetero- and homo- sexual variety), parents who push their kids with no real emotional investment in their lives, and many other topics. But it does all of this with...

A Shred of Truth: What makes all of the laughable circumstances laugh worthy is the truths that are taken and magnified by the show. A pregnant cheerleader whose coach and mom turn a blind eye to her condition? Um, yes, happened at my own high school. A wife who thinks pretending to be pregnant will save her marriage? Doesn't make it into my own personal experience, but well within the realm of believability. These shreds of truth are made more apparent by...

Great Characters: Sue Sylvester is one of a kind. While there have been other characters on TV that I love to hate, Sue is in a class all her own. She blackmails her boss, pressures her cheerleading squad, sabotages her colleagues and is generally despicable. But she also has a special needs sister and picked Becky to be on the squad. Quinn is classic - the head of the chastity club who gets pregnant, as is Kurt - the gay guy with a crush on the quarterback. But each and every character on this show is more than a stereotype. They have hidden sides that peek through and keep you watching, keep you guessing. And it doesn't hurt my love for this show any that Puck is on it. (I'll admit to a small crush, just between you and me.)

So if you're looking for a bit more merriment in your life, I'd like to humbly and enthusiastically recommend Glee.