NOTHING

8. something that is without quantity or magnitude.

In a matter of days, I've gone from MUCH to NOTHING.  I try to blog roughly every other day, so I was feeling pressure to find something worth saying, some word worth pondering, something.  But as I thought about writing today, my heart sank and I thought, "I have nothing to say." 

No words. 

No thoughts. 

No lessons. 

Nothing to share.

Nothing to give.

Nothing much worth taking.

Sunday evening, I met a few friends to write.  We started with a three minute freewrite to get us going.  Here are some of my words from that evening:

What words are hiding, just beneath the surface, waiting to get out?  Or is it optimistic, prideful, arrogant to think that they are just beneath the surface and not buried in the depth, under concrete coated with a thick, black ooze that clings to your hands as you try to push, pull, tear your way through to the words?

No words.

At times like this, I have a tough time knowing whether to give myself grace or a swift kick in the pants.  I'm tired.  Three weeks straight with my girls, holiday festivities and guests, followed by a mere four days of school before ten more days at home has left me depleted.

I've tried to raise my energy level by working out - walking on the treadmill, lifting (small) weights, a bit of circuit training - over the course of the last week.  And to show for that I have blisters on both feet. (I switched from one pair of shoes that hurt my right foot to another pair of shoes that hurt my left foot).  So go buy shoes, right?  When?  With my three daughters in tow after ballet, after school, after dinner one night?  Or at the expense of lesson time with one daughter who has yet to have a normal week of school this year?  Nothing is easy.

So while I still have much to be thankful for, I am feeling that all of my efforts to meet the needs, demands and desires of those around me are without sufficient quantity or magnitude.  I've got nothing today.