Saturday, June 20, 2009


1: separated from others : isolated

I've been feeling pretty alone lately. Not literally. My daughters are home from their time with one set of grandparents and they leave in eight days for a week with the other set of grandparents. With the intense heat the weather has provided and the heated arguments they have provided, I look forward to a few days of quiet during their absence.

But I am feeling "separated from others and isolated". I looked up a few words in Merrriam-Webster before starting this post, to find the right word to describe how I'm feeling. I've already used "misfit" which came to mind and "belong" didn't seem to quite get it. But "alone's" definition is dead-on.

Even in groups of people, I sit there feeling isolated. I have friends and we share fun times, but as I read the final chapter in Waking Up Grey, it encouraged the participant to have a party celebrating this journey. I realized that I don't know who would celebrate this with me. My closest friends aren't on similar journeys and while I don't think they scoff at my journey, I also don't feel a lot of interest on their part or a real understanding of why this has been important to me.

J pointed out that we're in a transition period right now. We're visiting another church over the summer to try to find community where our children can really connect. I'm in a different Bible study group with a lot of women I don't know and doing a different type of study than I've done in years. All of this adds up to me feeling adrift.

So when the ending of Waking Up Grey urged the importance of community and the need to celebrate, I was left wondering whether God wants me to be alone right now. Maybe there is something to be learned from the isolation.


aimee Guest said...

Um hello, I will celebrate with you :) I have been feeling, isolated and alone myself and of course not thinking anyone else felt that way!

Chocolate, Vanilla and Caramel said...

Not long ago I had a conversation with a friend who talked about feeling alone, and the fact that her counselor told her there are hundreds of people who come into her office every year telling her they feel alone. I think it is very hard NOT to feel alone at times with the way our society operates.

I went through a period of feeling very alone a couple of years ago. We were going through some really stressful things with my husband's business plus some other life changes and I felt like a little boat alone at sea.

But I learned a lot about myself and what was really important to me during that time. And I learned that I can make it through very, very tough times.

Thankfully, we are in a very different place now. But almost every area of our life has changed: where we live, our church, our friends, my husband's job, etc. Now, I feel like God has opened up our life and surrounded us with a wonderful community, both at our church and where we live.

I think that one of the reasons I so appreciate this is because of the period where I felt so alone. It's almost as if God was getting preparing me for this entirely new chapter of our life.

All of this to say, I think you are absolutely right that there are season of "aloneness" and they are there for a purpose. God may be preparing you for something new or different!

WordGirl said...

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I DO feel transition looming with K starting kindergarten in the fall. Unlike in the past, I'm really open to change right now and hope that God is just using what I'm feeling to further prepare my heart for whatever he has in store.