Thursday, May 21, 2009

BELOVED

: dearly loved : dear to the heart

My daughter K's name means "beloved." In fact, part of the reason we chose her name was for the meaning. Had she been a boy, her name would have been David, which has the same meaning. We knew during our third pregnancy that it would likely be our final pregnancy, unless God worked a major change in our hearts (which he clearly did not!). It seemed fitting that regardless of whether our last child was a boy or a girl, the child would be beloved.

What's interesting to me now that I know K is that of my three daughters, she is the least like me. As a first born girl myself, A and I share many traits - we're both highly verbal, both love to read, both perform (or performed, in my case) well academically, both fear failure to some extent, etc. B is also like me in more ways than I realized the first few years of her life. I like to think that B is who I would be if I had been born to different parents and had not been saddled with the implicit and explicit expectations of being first-born. I want to be the free spirit she is and seeing her encourages a latent creativity in me that I have feared or squashed for most of my life.

But how is K like me? I struggle to come up with any examples. She loves attention, talks a great deal, values human connection over most anything else, thrives on performing in front of an audience and lives a great deal of her life ruled by her emotions. K turns 5 years old today. So who's to say she will not be more like me in some ways as she ages? She might. Or she might not. Either way, it is fitting that her name means beloved, for she is dearly loved.

For all the ways that she can challenge me with her need for interaction and her tendency to let life's small disappointments get to her, she is an affectionate child, who laughs easily and loves much. I have learned many things from her sisters and I'm sure I will learn from K as well. I think she is already teaching me the value of taking life a little less seriously. I hope she'll learn from me as well and that, in the end, we'll both be changed... and still be beloved to each other. Happy birthday, my little love.

4 comments:

RBM said...

This post was very sweet, it brought tears to my eyes. I know you are more interested in writing fiction, but I must admit your non-fiction always moves me so deeply. An interesting idea would be to consider writing an essay/short story about your struggles to become the creator and writer you feel inside (while being a mother and a wife and having a part time job). I really think you could use much of what you have already written and it would resonate with so many women.

WordGirl said...

Thanks for the encouragement, RBM. I actually came up with an idea for a non-fiction book earlier this week. Now there are three things I'd like to have time to write... if only I could write more time into existence!

rufusjt said...

WordGirl, there are some moments - like this morning when you had K in a hug on your lap - where it's very clear that K is working on you. You have this list of things to do in your head as we get ready for vacation, and you knew you had to get the kids ready for school as I headed out to work - so much to do! and yet you paused to give K what she needed at that moment.

I almost cried as I watched you two on the floor, eyes closed with love and affection washing about all over the place. It set up K for a good day. You are dear to her little heart and I hope that never changes. Happy birthday K!

J

RBM said...

I am so glad you are considering non-fiction! And just make the time. I know that is MUCH easier said than done, but it is so important to nourish those parts of ourselves as well as the wife, mother, homemaker, church member, etc. I had a breakdown earlier this week because I felt like I hadn't done enough household chores during the last few weeks, and S just gave me a gentle lecture, reminding me that I am currently working on my doctorate and there will be plenty of times when he is TDY or deployed that I can catch up with him on housework duty!!!