INDEPENDENCE

1) the quality of not being dependent
2) not subject to control by others : self-governing
3) not requiring or relying on others

Independence is a quality J & I have always wanted our daughters to have. Even at a young age, we encouraged them to do things for themselves, even if it ultimately meant a little more work for us or a lot more mess. While it sounds like a good thing to encourage independence, it can be challenging to follow through on that encouragement.

Right now, K is putting peanut butter on her toast. It will probably take her nearly as long to complete this process as it will take me to write this blog post, leaving her toast cold and the peanut butter clumpy. Needless to say, I could butter her toast much more efficiently, quickly and neatly than she will. But she wants to do it herself. She told me to leave the kitchen because "I can butter my toast all by myself."

Frankly, it's easier to just leave the kitchen instead of watching her dip the knife in and out of the peanut butter, thinly spread the peanut butter and get PB all over herself and the counter. She's happier without me watching over her should and I can just clean up when she's all finished.

In allowing my 4 year old to butter her own toast, will it make it easier for me to let my daughters make their own mistakes in middle and high school? I'm not sure, but I hope so. I think God designs parents, and especially mothers, to be fiercely protective of our children. I want to keep them from emotional, mental and physical harm. I know logically that this will not always be possible, but it's still the desire of my heart. But I also want them to be fully functional, well-adjusted adults some day. J & I value independence in them because we want them to eventually be "self-governing" and not "rely on others."

The hard part is that if I always protect them, they won't become they women they are meant to be.

A may have her heart broken by the wrong boy to recognize the right man when he comes along. B may misplace her trust in a friend in order to learn discernment. K may lose an audition to learn to always work her hardest. I'm sure parenting them through each of these imagined circumstances would be hard for me. But it would be much worse for me to parent them around the circumstances and see them grow into shadows of the strong, gifted women God has made them to be.

So the next time I wipe up a spill, sweep up broken shards or soothe hurt feelings, I'll try to remember that we all come through life with a few scars. Without the scars, we wouldn't be who we are.