FOURTH

: the grade B completed today

Singing at Graduation (complete with hand motions)

Today my middle daughter B graduated from elementary school at the ripe old age of nine.  Before her graduation, I thought I wouldn't cry as much as I had last year when A left fourth grade.  Turns out that was a bit optimistic on my part.  In my defense, it's difficult to watch sixty fourth graders sing songs like Butterfly Fly Away and not cry, but the thing that made me not just emotional, but sad, was realizing how much of B's last year I missed out on.

As a part of the program, there was a slide show with pictures of various field trips from this year.  They visited the Nashville Zoo, the quiz bowl and had an overnight trip to Chattanooga to visit the Children's Museum and Aquarium.  I missed out on all of these, largely because I was busy homeschooling A.

This is the difficult thing about having three daughters - I feel like I'm always missing out on something.  It's not that homeschooling was the wrong decision or that I'm a bad mom for not going on field trips.  It's just that I want all of my daughters to feel equally loved.  I want to be able to go on field trips, even when my schedule makes it impossible.  I want to be able to sit and read Paddington Bear to B's class or Ruby's Wish to K's class.  I want there to be more of me.

I'm probably hit a bit harder by this because I am so very tired right now - perhaps more tired than I can ever remember being as we head into summer.  The adjustment to homeschooling and the push to finish our year well combined with a trip over Memorial Day weekend and school going these extra few days longer than normal has left me exhausted.  I'd like to be doing something fun with my girls to celebrate today, but instead I'm sitting in the air conditioned house to escape the high heat and humidity while A reads The Odyssey, B plays on her new Nintendo DSI and K plays a variation of softball that involves a window scraper and a blue inflated ball. 

In a few minutes, I'll gather my strength and we'll head out to B's 4th grade end of year party.  We'll hang out with friends she's made over the last four years, look for spots of shade to stand in, eat a bit of pizza and try to soak up a few more minutes as a part of the 4th grade community. 

B and Mrs. McC, her awesome 4th grade teacher