Tuesday, February 16, 2010


1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem
4 : a favored companion

Now that I am finally beginning to feel a bit better, I find I have more that I want to write about than time to write (will the snow ever stop?). I've had several blog posts circling in my mind today about crutches, fear and peace, but I find myself stealing a moment to write about what makes me choose friends. What draws me to certain women? Perhaps more importantly, what makes me pursue friendship with them? While every relationship is different, I think there are a few overarching things I look for and need in a friend:

Shares a Common Interest
Whether this is a friend who...
chatters away about the latest book she's read
makes my mind spark with creativity
shares a recipe in every conversation
laughs at the same jokes I do OR
watches a football game instead of wanting to talk to me during it
these are women I want to be around on a regular basis.

Inspires me
A woman who...
makes art
parents well
is brave OR
follows her dreams
is a friend who inspires me to do the same.

Encourages me
I fail pretty regularly to be the woman I want to be, so I need friends who...
remind me of who I am
point me to who God is
see the true me and not just my mistakes
are willing to fail in front of me
because these are women I can trust.

I read something today that reminded me that while friends can betray us, we should never let the potential for betrayal stop us from forming friendships. That was a good reminder to me during a time when I've had to concentrate so much energy on myself recently. I am, quite frankly, tired of me. I am tired of resting, tired of fatiguing quickly, tired of conserving my energy at every turn. I want to be able to think about others, do things for others and be a good friend.

As I look at the things I crave in a friend, I think I mainly want to be known. But it's hard for any one person to really understand another completely. So it takes many different friends to fit all of the different parts of me. One friend might understand my desire to raise independent daughters, even if I don't care whether they dress in matching clothes. Another might see my desire to write like a kernel buried in my heart and gently work - for years - to excavate it. One might talk openly about who she is and what she thinks, with little artifice. I hope I do as good a job of being a friend as others have for me - in recent days, especially.


Variations On A Theme said...

You ARE a good friend. I think, like with my INTJ husband, the whole you isn't constantly and completely out there all the time, so it takes time to get to know you. And it's always worth the time.

The last part of your post reminds me of an incident with David. We were watching this movie (can't remember the title; it was the sequel to "Wings of Desire" by Wim Wender). An old man, who is about to die, wonders what he has done with his life. An angel near him, tells him, "You are a man who has been found." This completely broke David. We were recently engaged. He was grateful for having been found. I think we all want this, but maybe you INTJs even moreso, because you don't lay it all on the line at once...like, uh...us ENFPs...

WordGirl said...

Maybe David and I are too much alike because just reading your comment made me tear up, bleary eyed though I am. I do long to be found and hope that others feel not only found but embraced by me.